雅思小作文50句，雅思小作文略写

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雅思强人请进，给我的小作文打个分，并给点建议!谢谢啦

个人觉得如果9分的作文，小作文占3分的话，这篇应该在1.5左右

我水平也不是很高，给你几个我的建议把

1.一定分段写，我没有看到题目，但是我强烈建议文章一定要分段，这样看起来更有条理。

2.注意一些小的语法错误，例如第二行的the

trend

in

USA,

Japan

and

Sweden

is

upwards，trend是可数的，upwards最好当副词用，个人觉得做表语并不合适。小的语法错误往往带来很多的失分。

3.时态。The

proportion

reaches

at

15%

in

USA

and

14%

in

Sweden

by

1982.reaches显然应该为reached。看得出来这个图表牵涉到将来时态，你也注意了运用，但是还是遗漏了一些。倒数第二行At

2040,

the

proportion

of

population

aged

65

and

over

is

quite

different

from

it

was

in

1940，is应当改用will

be，Japan

has

改为Japan

will

have，前面的Sweden

enjoys

改为Sweden

will

enjoy

4.尝试用一些从句。你的文章中多为一些简单句型，从句可以为文章增分。

5.尝试一些替换词，old

people可以有很多替换词，你这里old

people出现的次数过于多了，稍显累赘。senior

citizens，elderly

people/individuals什么的

6.也看得出来你学过并尝试运用了一些表示增长与下降的词，也注意了程度上的运用，这些值得赞扬。

就写这么多了，作文需要多练，多看别人写的文章积累经验，祝你雅思有一个好成绩

求~~~雅思小作文批改

1、细节要注意，例如标点符号后面应该空一格而不是前面空一格，第二段第二行 fo 应为 for，第三段 althouth 拼错。再如，我没有看原图，但看你的文章，应该是两幅图，所以一开始不应该用 The chart shows ...，而要用 The charts show us ...

2、坦率地说，我觉得你的英文水平很不错，但文章写的比较呆板。不要就图说图，就事说事，而要把一幅图中的内容说活一些，就像你用一幅向听众们讲演。该简练的地方要简练（如果有字数要求，可以再写其它内容），如最好不要反复地用proportion，interest, career 这几个词，显得很隆

非常冒昧地在你原文的基础上改一下：

These charts show us the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the support they have received from employers.

In the first chart, among two reasons for study, career and interest, people in the group of under 40 years old study for career far more than those for interest. In the group of 40 to 49, it is half and half. However, the old people, namely, those in the last group that over 49 study mainly for interest. It is a big difference.

From the second chart we see that the group of under 26 get more support from emploers than all other groups. The reason must be that people in this group spend more time and energy studying for career. Unfortunately, although people in the groups of 26-29 and 30-39 also have more proprotions to study for career,they get less support from employers.

....

后面我看不大明白了，第二幅图不是说老板的支持吗？怎么又回来说学习目的了？我没看原图，请原谅。

以上意见不一定对，仅供参考。

1.是两个chart就应该在开头写the charts show...(show可以换一个别人很少用的词，例如exhibite。。。我记不到咋拼了)

2.before 40 years old→the age below 40

3.the proportions...interest→the preference of more people who want to study was career

4.however...interest没看懂

5.the last...change→there was a great change that age over 49 was more interested in studying.

6.第三段开头可以参考其他句型,意思太过于重复

7.少用点much more

8.the reason must be...career→absolutlly，they spent more time and energy studying for career.

9.去掉also

10.proportion→注意换词

11.they dip of their proportions of employers support没明白

12.From 40 to 49 age group to over 49 group→

13.hey do not learn for career more than younger people意思不明确

14.Maybe it is because they got enough exprience from period time when they were working and learning.→语法错误

全篇时态混乱，连词太少逻辑不明确，纯叙述显得很生硬，而且比较的过程很繁琐，让人觉得思路混乱。有些不必要的数据出现了很多，没有重点。

个人意见……仅供参考

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