我要申请出国 请大神帮我把申请翻译成英文啊！谢谢啦！

My name is xxx. I was born in May 13th, 1991. I am going to be graduated in June, 2014, and I major in "Architechture of Roads and Bridges" (你那个专业应该有专用的名词你去查一下). I was born and raised in a warm, accord family. My father is a baker, who have influenced me to develop on my creativity. He have taught me the importance of resilience and determinance since I have young. My mother came from a teacher's family, and she help developed my predent manner and the desire to learn. ?As well as achieving highly in academic since elementary school, I was also an open and social person. I made a lot of great friends, who accompanied my splendid childhood.?

After stepping into middle school, my parents have higher expectations on my academic achievements. As my academic was outstanding in my class, I held the leadership positions of head of study committee and the student leader for the class. In 2006, I was admitted into a top high school, which ranked 3rd in Shuzhou, Henan city. I have learned violin for a year, and touched base upon Korean culture and language in high school. After the fulfilling 3 years of high school, I was then admitted into Henan Technology University --Department of Civil Engineering with my outstanding grades.There, I continued a four year journey of the proffessional study of archtechture of roads and bridges. While pursuing academic excellence, I didn't forget to balance my life with excurriculum activities. I was honorably reconmended by my teacher to join the "Student Council". There I made more friends and extended my social realm. I gained more real life experience, and that made me value my university experience even more!

For a better development in the future, I found that Korea has been a rapidly growing country in many perspectives nowadays, especially in the education system. Therefore, I want to pursue the "Environment Material" MBA in Korea, which is connected to my major in undergraduate. Busan National University have advanced facilities, grand scholarship system, ?and many other outstanding systems. I believe that those will help me to propel and improve to thrive for a vetter future. More over, the Korean language, manner, architecture, clothing, food, and entertainment also vastly appeals to me.?

After graduation, I am planning to to back to my home country. I would like to use all the academic achievements in actual work, and contribute to the research of ?"Environmental Material " in China. The China today has joined the World Trading Network and is an rapidly growing country, it greatly attract international polymaths. I believe there's going to be greater development and opportunity in the future China.?

ok 我翻译完了， 安全按照你写的。我在国外呆了很多年 也写过很多申请信， 尤其是美国的。 ?在我的角度就是在美国申请的角度 （也许和韩国的不一样）我的意见是：?

你写的东西显的太自傲了， 其实很多大学只是想要一个真实的， 现实的你 而不是一个经历完美但没有一点特色的 applicant?

我觉得开头的时候你讲你父母太多了， 是你申请大学还是你父母申请？

我觉得你要是想要去那个大学你应该对那个大学做一些更加深入的了解。 你讲的几点都非常非常笼统。 如果我把这封申请信仍在广场中央， 没有写那个大学的名字， 没有人会知道你要申请的是哪所大学？?

我不懂你为什么一直要强调你回中国的发展。 也许你在中国不知道， 但是我在一个国际环境下可以体会到现在中韩关系并不是那么好。 你写的意思就是， 我要到你们国家学完， 然后把我自己的国家变的更强盛。 这有点显的自私了，我不能确定如果我是一个韩国人我会喜欢看到这些。

就这么多了， 我还是按你的话翻译的， 我的意见听不听随你了

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